Good Job is Slate’s advice column that tackles workplace dilemmas, no matter how big or small. If you’re facing a challenging situation at work, reach out anonymously to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir.
Dear Good Job,
I am a 46-year-old woman employed alongside a man named “Brandon,” who shares my age. We both work in the counseling field, specifically in residential care for adolescents.
Approximately 18 months ago, I witnessed Brandon verbally abusing a child with cognitive disabilities. When questioned about the incident, I opted to be truthful with my supervisors regarding what I had observed: Brandon had threatened and insulted the child.
Upon learning of my report, Brandon became enraged and has not spoken to me in a civil manner since that day. Initially, he ceased communication altogether and branded me a snitch. Now, I am subjected to the silent treatment, or if he must speak with me (which happens about once a month), it is in an extremely rude and condescending tone, often within earshot of our teenage clients. If I try to engage in conversations with our colleagues, he will often turn and walk away mid-sentence in a dismissive manner.
Brandon has a notable history of disrespecting women he finds unattractive. It appears that his interactions are amicable only with younger women he deems physically appealing and who meet his personal standards of behavior. As the team’s supervisor, I sense his resentment towards my promotion, which has apparently exacerbated his behavior. Efforts to address this directly with him have proven futile; he refuses to engage in discussions. Attempts to respond with kindness have similarly failed. I have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt on countless occasions and consistently reframe the situation. Unfortunately, he has openly bragged about his grudges.
Going to work knowing he will be there leaves me feeling unwell, and he shows no indications of leaving soon. Could you provide me with some strategies to handle a resentful colleague who is unwilling to communicate? This situation is impacting my mental well-being, and I typically manage difficult personalities well, but I feel stuck.
—Stumped
Dear Stumped,
I am particularly struck by a detail in your letter: you are this deeply problematic individual’s supervisor. It is clear to me that Brandon should have been let go immediately. There is no justification for keeping a person like him, who appears to be ineffective in his role and demonstrates such poor character, in a position where he is around vulnerable children. He needs to be removed from the workplace. Moreover, I question why he wasn’t terminated after he was caught threatening a child! What degree of misconduct is necessary for dismissal in your workplace? (This is a rhetorical question, though I believe it deserves consideration.)
—Doree
In a different yet similarly concerning scenario, a woman discusses her husband’s history of infidelity. After discovering substantial evidence of his long-term sexual relationships with multiple women last year, they separated for several months but continued to be intimate. He has since returned home, and they are undergoing counseling in hopes of mending their relationship.
Recently, a position opened at her husband’s workplace, and one of his former romantic interests was hired to work closely with him. Although she wants to believe this is mere coincidence, she is struggling to reconcile her suspicions with her desire for trust.
